Sunday, May 8, 2016

Mother's Day Pep Rally 2016

This is my Mother’s Day Pep Rally.  You guys see me talk about my kids.  You know I love them more than my own life.  They are everything to me.   But in all actuality Mother's Day is a hard day for me.  It was hard even before my mother died.  I want to share one brief, very vulnerable line of my own personal experience with you.  This is just a glimpse of who I am....not my whole story.  It's a long post.  I understand if you just can't..... so feel free not to.

The reason Mothers Day is so hard for me is partially because I miss my own mother so bad it hurts.......and partially because of the fact that I feel like in the history of mothers.....I could quite possibly be the biggest fraud of them all.

Part of me has never felt like a "real" mother.  Yeah...I connected with my kids...and bonded just fine. But something was always just off with me.  I always felt like a "new parent".  The one who was still learning the ropes when everyone else seemed to have it together already.

Part of me felt judged and alone when I tried to meet other moms. I still do sometimes.  The truth is.....Mother's Day is a yearly reminder to me that my kids love me.....

Even though I fail them.......a lot!!!

Even though I don't get things right.   Even though I am not always the role model they need me to be. Sometimes I’m not even a nice person.

But they still  hug me....and kiss me on the cheek....and make me cards....and write poetry telling me how wonderful I am.  Bless them.  They are really great kids.  It’s hard to accept that much love sometimes when you feel so undeserving of it.  

My truth is......they are the reason I wake up every day.....the reason I keep up the fight.....and the reason I finally grew the hell up.  I am so lucky to have them.  I am so lucky to be trusted with the job of guiding them through this life.  I struggle with my performance every day though.

This struggle is not something we are ever allowed to speak of.....lest we look ungrateful.   It's like the "fight club" of motherhood.  Everybody knows the first rule is..... nobody talks about fight club.   My fight club....is depression and anxiety.  Every one of us has that one thorn.  For most mothers....today is a day when we don't think about those thorns.  For me....it's the one day I feel their sting the most.

The reason I wanted to share this with you all this morning....is because I constantly see women  tearing each other down....and I don't like it.   Not just moms....but women in general.  Being a woman is not a competition. You can't fail at something you were born to be.   It’s okay to do something different than your neighbor….or to feel different than your friends.  It doesn’t make you selfish or unbelievable.  It makes you….you...and me…..me.  The world needs both.

So today I want you to hear something else.....I want you to hear that if you feel good about yourself.....by goodness....feel good and be proud.  You’ve done a good job and you have earned it!!!  

And if you don't.....that's ok too.  You are not alone.  You are not the only one who feels guilty....or imperfect....or just plain lost sometimes!!  There have been so many days that I have looked in the mirror and thought....how the hell did I get here???  It would just be nice to have some solidarity on this one day.  So here it is.  No matter how motherhood found us....we are all in the same boat.  For those of us who have hung in there and not jumped ship.....I want to take a moment and just tell you.....you're doing alright!  I am also telling myself this….in order to prepare myself for this afternoon.  So that I can look at those sweet boys today and genuinely show them how much I appreciate them appreciating me!!!  So here’s to all of us…….

For the mom who got pregnant to young, or out of wedlock, or whatever.....you may not have been celebrated when you announced your pregnancy....but today you are.

For the mom who is struggling to make ends meet, or has to work so much you feel like you aren't even with your kids.....trust me....the time you are with them is gold. you are celebrated!

For the moms who had c-sections and were told they weren't real moms because they don't know what labor feels like......we know how long it took you to heal....and we know that you have the scars to prove it.  you are celebrated!

For the moms who gets it all right....every day!  The carpool, the practices, the PTO, the volunteer work, the meals on the table, and the relatively clean home! the well adjusted kids!!  hell yeah girl! we see you....you are celebrated!

For the moms who are struggling with physical, mental, or hormonal issues....and can't even feel human from day to day.....but you get up....and you work twice as hard to do half as much as someone else....and you do it with love.  You do it because everything in you wants to be the healthy mom your kids deserve.  You do it because you don't ever want them to think for a moment that they are the cause of your pain.  we see how hard you are working.....and you are celebrated!

For the mom who struggled to conceive her own children.....we know how hard it was waiting....going through procedures....being told you're never going to have the one thing your heart desires most.....but you kept praying....kept believing....kept trying.  we see your faith....you are celebrated!

For the mother who can never admit to anyone that she never really wanted to be a mother.  But still you do the job day in and day out.  you love your kids fiercely and are loyal to them to no end...but you still look at them and think....I'll never be right for this.  You are right where you are supposed to be.....and you are exactly the mother your child needs in his/her life!  We see you....even on the days you don't even see yourself anymore.....you are celebrated!

For the mothers who raise children who aren't from their own bodies.  You are precious....and part of what is right in the world.  You are celebrated!

For the mom who just loves her kids....and can't imagine life without them....who is savoring every single second of this life because you know time goes by way too fast and you don't want to miss a moment!! We see you...and we wish we could buy you a stopwatch!   you are celebrated!!!

And also for the many mothers we don't always see.....because your children are celebrating you from a special place in heaven this morning.....we also celebrate you now!

For the 800 things the world, other people, or even you.....tell yourself that is wrong about who you are and what you do.....I am here to tell you today that you are loved.  you are appreciated.....and you are the center of someone's world.  You are more than "just a mom".....and you are still beautiful...talented....and wonderful!    Some of us will hear that said to us today....some of us will read it in a card.  But for those of you whose children may not be able to  articulate this message to you....because of age....or even pride....or separation.......just know that it is true....and you will hear it someday :)

As we go into this day......hold dear to how special you truly are.  our bond with our kids.... is not just one of love....or closeness.  it's chemical....it's in our life force.   it's eternal.  it is created by the hands of God himself.  So,  no matter what your experience.....we can all agree....it's a pretty amazing ride!!!! You are doing a good job.....you are enough...don't ever compare yourself to anyone else.  Happy Mother's Day!  LET'S DO THIS THING!!!



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