Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Stop The Division: A Discussion About Women, For Everyone- Left, Right, Man, Woman, Child.

The past few days have made me want to take a break from the news.  This is a long perspective, and is purely my opinion.  It is based on my spiritual beliefs, and my own personal moral code.  I simply want to point out where I stand on a few of the more prominent topics in the news lately.  To some of you who disregard any kind of religious or political discussion….this is not a post for you. It may say..."For Everyone"...but maybe not.  I may sound preachy or bossy...it’s not meant to be that. I will not apologize for what I believe. I will not force it on you either.  If you have no desire to know what my opinion is, I urge you to stop reading now.   Enter with your own free will.  This is so long because in my mind...all of these topics are interrelated. Each one leads to the next. Each is a symptom of the bigger problem. Wounding from disrespect of each other's boundaries. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.   I listen to what you all have to say day in and day out…..and do not hate you or correct you.  I expect that same respect if you choose to continue with this.  Thank you in advance!


I do not feel like I support any kind of evil by loving people around me.  My friends are not racists, bigots, or worthless hippies.  They are all functioning, valuable, productive members of society.  So....I do support the left in saying....no  matter what they choose to do in their bedroom, or with their bodies will ever make me love them any less. I do not participate in those events with them, so they are of no concern to me.  I do not support criminal acts....but as of right now...nothing we are discussing is illegal in this country. 


Even if I don't agree with someone's choice....I will always defend their right to make it.  God's most important gift to us was the gift of "Free Will".   Without it....choosing Him would be meaningless.  The greatest of His commandments was to Love our neighbors as we love ourselves. That's all well and good when your neighbor has the same values and ideas as you.  It's not so easy when your neighbor is wearing a vagina hat or has a rebel flag hanging in the back of their truck. Righteous anger and hate are two different things.  
Righteous anger defends people who are being persecuted or treated poorly.  
Hate persecutes and treats poorly.  
It's a fine line friends.  


All I know is that at the end of the day....I don't want to be the one judging who is and isn't in God's good graces.  
  • ‘You will know each other by your fruits.’   
  • ‘Not everyone who cries out Lord Lord will enter the kingdom.’  
  • ‘Did we not preach in your name? He will say Turn away from me....I never knew you.’  
  • Judge not lest you be judged


These are just a few of the things, that when in their proper contexts, remind me....to just be nice to people.  Because, as much as the woman who chooses to terminate a pregnancy is "playing God"....so are those who sit in judgment of her for doing so.  We are not God.  We need to take a step back and check our own morality first.  Our own beliefs.  I choose my standards from my faith.....my neighbor might not.  They may be using a totally different yardstick.  Sometimes we are so quick to try to convert people to our way of thinking....we don't realize that the example we set with our own behavior might just be what will make or break them coming to terms with our ideas.  
Note*  coming to terms...does not always mean conversion.  It means showing simply respect for your beliefs.  


I also support the right in the sense that.....as far as abortion and murder are concerned....they are the same thing to me.  Maybe not to you…..but they are to me.   But just as a murderer on death row can be repentant and be forgiven.....so can a girl who made poor choices and tried to correct them herself. Maybe she did it because she was scared.  Maybe because the people who were going to condemn her for terminating a pregnancy were also the same people who would condemn her for carrying that same child on her hip while not being able to care for it.  Therefore becoming "leaches to society" and "looking for handouts".  Subjecting her to the stigma of having to be on welfare and use food stamps.  To have people in the store get irate because their tax dollars are funding raising that same child...that they didn't want their tax dollars aborting.  Call these women cowards all you want. It takes a lot of courage to attempt to handle a situation…..regardless of how you choose to do it.  My personal opinion.  But I digress.  

Basically....society just wants you to do it on your own.  Whatever you choose.   Some girls are mentally incapable of caring for themselves let alone another human being.  Yes there are other choices.  I truly believe that the compassion and understanding of our neighbors, families, and communities would save more of these children than any government agency ever will.  Showing these girls mercy (before they choose to have an abortion), and that there is forgiveness and a support system available will change more hearts than your disapproval.

Remember, allowing the natural process of one's conscience to take place bring natural feelings of shame. That's enough. We do not need to shame people any more than that. Pregnant girls know they did not use proper contraception. Fat people know they are fat. People who do not reflect the standards of beauty they see in magazines...or in the public places they go to, do not need you to tell them they don't look right (to you). They know. They know that they have choices to make concerning these issues. Maybe they care, maybe they don't. That is not for you to police. You can't control everything. If we give our compassion to someone and find out they are lacking that conscience.....that is on them. You did right by them. Judgment and shame are not the tools we should have in our arsenal.

In my opinion, Planned Parenthood should not be funded by the government.  They are a business. They charge for their services, there is no need for government subsidy.    It is NOT the same thing as your local health department's family planning services.  

These are the links for services in my own community fresh off the google search:

Planned Parenthood-

Planned Parenthood does specialize in abortion services, the government does not pay for them though. Women are charged for these services. Family Planning offers a wide variety of income based services for men and women concerning sexual health 

This brings me to my next point.  We say we want the government to stay out of our uterus.....but we want them to flip the bill for women's health.  We have to get that argument cleaned up to make it more effective.  No one should tell you what to do with your body.....but if you are coming to someone to help you pay for your "choices"  or whatever you choose to call it…... then yes....you will always be accountable to the people paying that bill.  That's just the laws of borrowing and lending.    

So.....easy solution.....fund healthcare.  Mental and physical...for all citizens regardless of race, gender, age, etc.  If an abortion is a medical necessity.....help save the life of the woman in front of you. Give her the procedure.  If she is carrying a dead baby inside her womb….for the love of God….remove that child from her. If a woman has been raped she needs access to a DNC or the morning after pill....as well as psychological and medical care.  However,  If it is a choice.....then with the freedom to choose comes the responsibility to be accountable for your choice.  If the government won't pay for weight loss surgery or the circumcision of a male child…(which are also personal choices we are free to make)......  then they should not pay for your choice to terminate as a form of birth control either. Get the money yourself dear.  They offer the morning after pill and a wide range of hormonal and non hormonal contraceptives for that.  Abortion is not birth control. It should never be a first resort.  Just like any surgery….this procedure is not 100% safe.  A bad abortion can lead to a myriad of complications….that will also last a lifetime.  A correctly performed abortion can cause physical complications for you if you choose to get pregnant again later in life.

Common Complications During And After An Abortion


Mental anguish is rarely discussed either.  Young ladies are not counselled on any of this before they get to that clinic.  Abortion counselling consists of :  Are you sure you want to do this?  Is anyone forcing you to have an abortion?  Do you have any questions about the procedure?  NO ONE discusses the emotional or physical ramifications of this choice.  There is no support.  I do not encourage this choice…..but I understand it.  


Yes...there might be some women out there who have abortions for convenience.  Yes…..there might be some cry babies or snowflakes out there….yes there are bad people with bad intentions spewing some pretty ugly hate right now. Evil is ever present and rampant in our world today. It comes to us in many forms.  But the majority of the women in this movement are simply people seeking understanding and compassion for the women in our country.  If we were in another place we would be talking about the rights of the women in those places. Many of these ladies ARE fighting for those causes as well.  But today we are here.  The needs of others do not outweigh the fact that this is a discussion that needs to be had.  They were there to call attention to education, environment, LGBQT issues, to equality, to pay gaps, to racism. To whatever they had on their minds. To all issues that are important to WOMEN. The only ones that drew any real attention are the sexual and wage discussions. They were the loudest. Does that mean everyone who went out should just be cast into a big pot of "IGNORE!" ??? no. they shouldn't.

  I understand the nasty women.  We are not nasty because we choose to be difficult or off putting to society.....we are nasty because no matter what we choose to be....other will always see us as nasty.  For our beliefs, or our weight, or our decisions in life....the way we dress....or who we choose to interact with or love. Nasty women feel that they will always inconvenience other people just by being who they are.  We all deserve respect.  Regardless of whether you think these women are nasty or trashy....or even whores.....remember....one of Jesus' most devoted followers was a "whore" that he just simply showed kindness to.  Don't judge.  If someone chooses to not respect your beliefs, state your case….plant the seed...then walk away and give it time to take root.  You don't have to stand around and take verbal abuse from anyone.  You don't have to ever acknowledge their belief systems either.  But its alot easier to communicate what your beliefs are if you take a moment to listen to the people who are trying to attempt dialogue.  That point goes for the left and the right. Yelling is not dialogue. 

People only put on their fight face when they feel like their boundaries are being encroached.  We all have the right to defend what is ours....but don't go stepping on someone else's stuff because you think they are going to step on yours.  It doesn't work that way or help anything.   Pray for peace for this country.....and for a mindset of solidarity for the greater good.  God isn’t “coming back to the White House”.  He does what He wants.  You really think Obama forced Him out?? That is giving the POTUS a whole lot of credit and authority.  Seriously…..


As for the people who are upset over the celebrity presence discussing wage inequality…..it's really hard to empathize with anyone who makes that kind of money. I get it.  But some of these women are Ivy League educated women who want gender equality in their own field of work as well as for other women who might be experiencing the same wage gap.  If you make a fair amount of money and are happy with your life….congratulations….you have reached the promised land.  Not everyone is skilled to do the same thing.  Some professions are still male dominated.  If you see a sister who is not being treated fairly….instead of degrading her for supposedly not working hard enough….let's call out the employer who isn’t doling out fair wages.  When we accept a job….the salaries and performance reviews of our co-workers are not given to you in the welcome packet.  Sometimes it's not easily recognized at first.  Not everyone has the luxury of quitting a job because things aren’t perfect.  I would discourage anyone in this economy to quit a job over wage gap without having something else lined up first.  Leaving the job doesn’t correct the problem though.  That employer will just find someone else willing to deal with it.  That’s the whole point.  If we all keep dealing with it….nothing will change.  

The words "Suck it up and deal with it!" have really been tossed around the internet a lot lately. Those words bother me. Dealing with it is what has caused all of the anger and division to build up. We need to set boundaries of what is acceptable. We would never look at a rape victim and tell her she shouldn’t have been an attractive woman if she didn’t want to be raped……(oh wait….we do tell women that).  Then we tell them that if a man isn’t attracted to you then you are worthless. That’s another story another time.  

If your people sit by and watch you suffer and don’t do anything to help you….they aren’t your people.  If women keep servicing married men….men will continue to have people to cheat with instead of dealing with their spouses. They will continue to think that the "cheap thrill" is exciting and acceptable. The selling of our bodies.... allows all men (married or single) continue to believe that we value their money more than their time or our own bodies. Or worse yet they will not value us at all and just use us for disposable pleasure or servitude. Yes, sex trafficking is a real thing in the United States. It does not discriminate who it takes either. Runaways, homeless women, prostitutes, and even your wives and daughters if they choose to kidnap them.  If we don’t support each other as women….men will continue to take advantage of us wherever they damn well please. (and that includes work.)  That doesn’t mean I hate men.  It means we need to stop throwing our pearls before swine then not expecting to them to get trampled.


I love my husband.  I respect him.  I adore him.  I do not hate men.  But a lot of men do not value women.  A lot of women in relationships (regardless of the gender of their partner) do not value themselves and allow their partners to disrespect them.  We have to stop allowing it.  We have to love ourselves.  When you are ok with yourself as a woman….and you walk out the door….and other people start to tell you you are not acceptable, lovable, or worthy because of your appearance…..that is their problem...not yours.  IF you are unhappy….change.  IF you are not…..don’t let anyone tell you you have to in order to make them feel more comfortable or attracted to you.  It is not your responsibility to be attractive to anyone who is not your husband or your partner.    

Maybe all of this doesn’t constitute as oppression.  Maybe it doesn’t fall under the category of sexism.  Maybe it doesn’t have a name that makes it worthy of the attention of the President of the United States.  But we are citizens of this country....and it is a discussion we want to have. I am also hearing the word "classy" thrown around a lot as well. Certain people are considered classy....while others are "low class". That term in and of itself tells us that this is less about being women and yet once again about class division. Lower class people do not tend to hold as much value in society....therefore it has become an insult....while classy has become a compliment. I do not agree that your earnings or wages have anything to do with your heart. These refer to our rank in society....they are not indicative of our personal character. This again proves that appearances/financial status reign supreme even on a subconscious level.

I have seen people posting pictures recently of women who are either overweight, older, or just considered unappealing to the person posting....along with derogatory comments about their political affiliation or the cause they are supporting. They are saying that their argument is invalid because no one would want to touch them anyhow. This has struck a chord with me. They say if women are so sensitive about their looks/weight they should change it. This is where we come back and say.....we are ok with ourselves, we do not have to change for you. Lack of attractiveness does not make them invalid as a human being. We do not have to alter or cover up our God given appearances because you are uncomfortable. I am a firm believer in modesty. I do not speak for all women though. Speaking of the discomfort of others.....our periods and breastfeeding are as natural as sex....they are not gross or disgusting. Yet again....you are the ones who think we are nasty. We are just doing what we were made to do. I do try to maintain modesty concerning my femininity....but I do not feel like I should be shamed for the natural functions of my body. We do not shame people for using the restroom. We were made to do that. People didn't want to see everyone squatting all over the place, so they created acceptable facilities to allow those functions to take place. While the rest room is sufficient for dealing with menses....it is not always a sanitary or accommodating place to feed a baby. If people are so appalled by the sight of breastfeeding (even under a modesty cover) why not consider adding a foyer into all ladies rooms or family restrooms where a woman can sit comfortably and feed her child without having to resort to balancing herself over a toilet while trying to hold or find a place for her purse and diaper bag, so it does not have to sit between her legs on a urine soaked floor. Now that is nasty.


To Men:  When we request equality….that does not mean we want to take your masculinity away.  It does not mean we want to replace you in society.  When the women around you are empowered and respected, they become a greater asset in the workplace and better companions in the home.  They are mentally healthier and generally better partners. We do not want to BE men.....we want to BE women....without being hassled for it!  In building up women….there should never be a tearing down of men.  Only a tearing down of old outdated methods of communication between people.  A slap on the ass does not constitute a job well done…..it constitutes….please do not touch my body unless you are my partner and have an invitation to do so.  We just want to be treated respectfully.  That is going to look different for different types of people.  Some women work hard and want to be paid accordingly.  Some women want to continue to be a wife and mother….but to do it with dignity.  Some women just want you to respect their personal space.  Some want to be able to be in a public space with other people and not feel afraid. Some feel they are already equal and have no desire to change their current situation.  The prejudice comes from assuming we all want the same thing.  If you aren’t sure...ask.


If you offer to defend someone who is being harmed….I will appreciate your help.  I do not expect you to go out of your way to protect me in non threatening situations in an attempt to show your manliness though.  If you have manners and open doors out of courtesy I do not feel like you are treating me inferior.  However, I do not expect you to go out of your way to care for me outside of a reciprocal friendship or relationship.  A good way to interact with women is simply to actually talk to them.  If I meet a person and try to strike up a conversation….and that person doesn’t seem open to talking….I’m going to let it go and stop interacting.  I’m not going to call that person a derogatory term or try to push myself into their space in an attempt to provoke them.  That is harassment.  That is not ok.  Saying hello...or trying to make friends is not harassment if you respect the other person's boundaries.   

To women:  No you shouldn’t HAVE to…..but unfortunately in this society we need to…..take a self defense or gun safety class.  Learn to protect yourselves incase someone does cross the line with you. Learn to defend your children.  Try to set standards for yourself to know what you are willing or not willing to accept from people.  The more competent you feel….the more you will feel free to enjoy life without fear.  Ladies, it is our responsibility to tell people what we expect….clearly and unafraid.  We also have to be willing to walk away if our standards are not met.  We need to realize that when someone is trying to get to know us….even if it sounds a little sexist at first…..it may not be meant that way.  Appreciate a man’s effort to try to open the dialogue. That takes courage.  You can tell the difference between a man who is trying to provoke you or demean you….and a man who just wants to educate himself a little better.  If you are uncomfortable taking on the role of educating that person….tell them to look up women's rights or sexism online.  There are a lot of resources to help them learn what is happening here.

It is our responsibility to inform men that we will no longer tolerate their disrespect if they are actually disrespecting you.   We also are obligated to empower ourselves in the meantime.  Protests, signs, hats, costumes, and witty slogans….may inspire us to become empowered.  They may tell the rest of the world that we are becoming empowered….but ultimately they do not give us that empowerment.  They are simply symbols.  Don’t just wear the symbols and say it’s everyone else's problem to fix.  The only thing you can change or control is yourself.    Do not speak for women who do not wish to be spoken for.  Just leave them be.  Only speak for those in your camp.  But find the power in you.  Take it for yourself.  Demand respect by being respectful to others and showing respect for yourself.   


Women do not need government funding to support one another.  They do not need Donald Trump’s permission to gather together and form communities.   Find your sisters.  Teach your children to show respect in school, the workplace and in relationships.  Show them how to do it differently. Help women in your area get on their feet.  Counsel one another.  Encourage one another.  Love one another.  If you know how to do something successfully….. share that wisdom with others.  That will help them more than your tax dollars.  No it isn’t your responsibility to teach people what their parents should have taught them.  But the first step to equality is getting rid of the secrets.  Giving everyone a fighting chance.   Share information!!!!!   As the Bible states…..Give a man a fish….you feed him for a day….teach a man to fish….you'll feed him for the rest of his life.  Charity, compassion, education, kindness, and empathy are what will empower your sisters and yourself.

In conclusion…..again….these are all my personal opinions.  I do not expect anyone to agree with all of it.  But at the end of the day  I really hope we can begin to look past the division and just start helping each other.  Genuinely.  We are all good people here. Don't let them turn us against each other. Love your neighbor.

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